The Short Story: It took me a long time to attract a partner who offered sexual compatibility, intellectual stimulation and soul mate level love. When I did, I wanted to make music about it, so I made subspace. I spent 2 years creating it at my apartment in Oakland, on my laptop, and I originally released it in 2009.

subspace is what would happen if Dirty Mind and Erotica had a kid that was babysat by The Velvet Rope.

The Long Story: It is an often curious quest for the bookish romantic who is also kinky; finding a partner who satisfies all three aspects of your being. When I found mine, I made subspace.

Prince and Madonna have made a remarkable impact on me personally and artistically; they’ve been a presence for most of my life and they helped me grow up. I saw them as incredibly cool older siblings and rooting for them was a supreme pleasure. I think Erotica is Madonna’s best album; I think that because it’s my favorite. I wore that album (actually the cassette) out in ‘92. She had obviously been pushing the boundaries of feminine expression for years, but Erotica was especially courageous and cutting edge and a lot of fun to love. Dirty Mind was the tipping point Prince album for me; I’d heard and enjoyed Soft and Wet and I Wanna Be Your Lover, but I had no idea what he was singing about because I was a kid; I just liked the music. Dirty Mind came out just when I was beginning to get into reading music journalism and although I still didn’t really know what he was singing about, I enjoyed the music and I knew people were talking. He was making a real commotion among music journalists. Hearing that album as an adult was exciting and liberating; it was a revelation to see how far a theme could be taken. On those albums, they are both so bold, uninhibited - absolutely free of shame. Janet Jackson was a favorite of mine from the Control album through the Son of a Gun single; but Janet was royalty in way that I couldn’t identify with personally. Prince and Madonna had scrappy, middle class, emotionally traumatic backgrounds that resonated with me deeply. So with Janet, there was influence for sure, but it wasn’t as emotionally profound as Prince and Madonna. Be that as it may, when I first discovered The Velvet Rope at The Wherehouse on Ventura and Laurel Canyon, I fell hard. Janet was waaaaay ahead of her time with that one. She did not hold back. At all.

subspace is what would happen if Dirty Mind and Erotica had a kid that was babysat by The Velvet Rope.

I spent two years working on it, while living in Oakland, using the first laptop I ever owned; naturally, I thought with the release of it, all my dreams would come true. 2009 was a different time. Certain words were still considered risqué. We were all so innocent then. It was in this social context that I originally released subspace.

Nowadays, it’s really not a big deal to hear a woman expressing her sexuality lyrically, in explicit terms. But in 2009, when I originally posted subspace and shared it with others, I got the distinct impression that I had over shared and I retreated.

It wasn’t something I anticipated; because I was so in love, and because I’d spent so long making it, and because I’d been so influenced by Prince, Madonna and Janet, I naively thought it was just art and that people would get it. But I happened to accompany my husband on a business trip with a colleague of his, and she and I spent the weekend getting on like a house on fire; upon returning home I sent her a copy of subspace, per her request, and never heard from the woman again. It was right about that time that I decided it was too much and I didn’t promote it from there.

Moral of the story: know your audience. ;-)

But I internalized that perceived rejection and sat with it for years. And then one day I was in the grocery store and heard the explicit version of some Pop song being piped overhead and I knew times had definitely changed and it was probably safe for subspace to come out and play.

Just in case anyone is wondering, I myself am not into race play; my usage of the terms Master and slave are just about the relationship between a Dominant and submissive. However, I believe that kink is a wonderful expression of human sexuality and I don’t judge; to each their own. If it gets you off and you’re fortunate enough to be blessed with a partner (or partners) who complement you, I say go for it and enjoy your life.

Ultimately, to me, subspace is a celebration and exploration of sexuality through the lens of kink in the realm of love. People often wonder if they can have both; a satisfying sexual connection that allows them to enjoy what they really like and a genuine love connection that honors who they are outside of their sexuality. I am here to say yes, yes you can have both. So be honest about who you are and what you want, and hold out for the real thing.