Way back in the day, Madonna was the first woman I heard refer to herself as a b word; at the time it felt cool, rebellious and edgy. Nowadays it doesn’t feel like that at all; not to me anyway. Now it feels nasty, not the good nasty, mean nasty. Especially as I hear women referring to other women as b words. It feels degrading and dehumanizing. And it is everywhere, just like that other word; the n word.

The mainstream usage of the n word is something that still blows my mind; never in my youth did I imagine that people of all ethnicities and races around the world, including white people, would be referring to themselves, in public, as the n word. Never did I imagine hearing it in every conceivable context on television; hearing it in love songs, hearing it in love songs sung by women. It has been one of the strangest experiences of my life. Like the b word, it just feels off to me; it doesn’t feel good when I hear it, no matter who’s saying it.

I didn’t always feel this way; I used to think it was pretty badass to refer to myself as a b word and while I never used the n word myself, there are many, many Hip Hop songs that I loved and treasured that are riddled with both words. There are a good number of Rock and Roll songs that I loved and happily listened to for years, often happily singing along, that are rife with blatant misogyny. I have evolved as a person and I just don’t have tolerance for that type of energy at this point in my life, and there are too many amazing songs that I can listen to without having mixed emotions about doing so. 

I am not puritanical; profanity is one of the great joys of my life. I feel uncomfortable around people who don’t use profanity. I just don’t care for those particular words. 

I am not interested in debating who can say the n word, nor if it should be said at all as I fully understand that I can only control what comes out of my mouth. I am not interested in debating whether owning the b word makes a woman feel empowered as I fully understand that other women have a right to their perspective. And I understand that these trends are probably here to stay, so I have made peace with it all.

I am not here to tell anyone how they should live their lives, nor how they should choose their vocabulary. That said, I do prefer the company of people who have a high level of awareness; an awareness of the power they hold, the power of their thoughts, the power of their intentions. I appreciate people who think before they speak and lean towards speaking words of positivity to themselves and others.

In my world, there are no n’s, no b’s and that’s that. 

Namaste.