I once believed that if a person was wise and courageous enough to follow their dreams while young and actually do what they loved for a living, then they would be immune to the experience of a midlife crisis, because generally speaking, the substance of the crisis is about acknowledging and coming to terms with where one has made the choice to deny one’s true self.

Will Smith changed my mind about that. 

For years I’d admired and respected him primarily because of his openness about the power of the mind and an interview I’d read many years ago in which he audaciously declared that he wanted the scripts that were going to Tom Cruise to go to him. I watched over the years as his dreams were actualized and I had a lot of respect for his positivity, clarity and talents. He seemed to consistently come from a place of enlightenment and I found his existence, his words and his success to be both comforting and inspiring. 

I first knew something was off when I saw a video of him promoting his book, saying his whole persona was an act. That was shocking to me, but in no way did I anticipate his behavior at the Oscars.....who did? As the dust settled, it surfaced in my mind that he was 53 and midlife was kicking his ass. 

I began researching the subject of midlife crises when I was approaching 40; I found it fascinating then and I still do. Midlife is a real mind fuck. There you are, having spent all of your adult life attempting to conquer your demons and resolve your insecurities, quiet the voices of self doubt that haunt you, and for all of your hard work and diligence, they are still fucking there and it makes you feel defeated, depressed and lost. The other thing is, things stop working. Things that have worked for you for a lifetime no longer work and that’s confusing and it pisses you off. 

But, nothing has actually gone wrong; it’s just nature doing its thing. Things you once believed about life, the world and yourself, things that once gave you a sense of identity and certainty - a lot of those things need changing. They must be replaced with the perspective, thoughts and beliefs that serve the person you want to be now. It’s a metamorphosis. It’s a rebirth. It’s a personal revolution. It’s a gradual process that will blow your mind.

The weight of the things you feel guilty about starts to feel quite heavy. By the time we reach midlife, we all feel guilty about something. You can’t drink, smoke, eat, work, sex or shop it away; you have to face it and figure out how to let it go. 

Personally I found the burden of my guilt to be a roadmap, showing me very clearly how I wanted to change; my guilt showed me who I no longer wanted to be. Primarily, I felt guilty about the way I’d treated others and the way I had disrespected myself. It took a while for me to realize that relief and healing could happen by simply being different in the now as opposed to constantly looking at my past and trying to make sense of it all or trying to assign blame to the appropriate parties. I had to learn how to forgive myself, and others, and judge myself according to who I am now, not who I once was. 

We’ve all got our bullshit; the lies we tell ourselves about who we are, what we can and can’t do. Midlife is when we realize it’s time to sort all of that out. It’s natural and nothing to feel ashamed of or wrong about. It’s just life. It’s an invitation to evolve consciously. Ultimately it’s a process of learning to heal and love and accept yourself. It is a process of changing what you think and changing the way you think.

I say this from experience; you know what changes you need to make; other people may have opinions, but you are the only one who really knows. If you refuse to address your issues and change, it’s only going to get worse. You’re going to run out of places to hide. Again, from experience, midlife change is hard at first, often scary and sometimes painful, but if you keep at it, eventually it will be one of the most soul satisfying experiences you’ll ever have. So buckle up, accept the mess and try to be kind to yourself as you evolve. 

Namaste.